I tend to shy away from making resolutions. In fact, I avoid the gym the first couple of weeks of the year just because it is loaded with people that have made them. I give them two weeks, three tops, then go back when I can always find an open treadmill at any given moment.
But this year, I thought I would jump on board and try a couple of self-improvements. Here are mine for 2010.
Stop Making Lists
We men are visual creatures. Outside of our alleged aversion to the use of maps, we do better with many aspects of our life when we see things. Say something to us and it may or may not register, and it may or may not stay with us any longer than the 7 seconds it will stay with your pet Labrador. Show us, and we’ll take it our grave. This is exactly the reason why I have to use lists and calendars. I currently operate from 6 rotating, running, or set calendars and an electronic Daytimer on my laptop. One is just a calendar for the school year so that I am reminded of early-outs, non-school days, benchmark skills testing weeks, and conference weeks. Another is a blank where I can write in non-routine things like birthday invites, doctor or dentist appointments, or other spur-of-the-moment things. The other four are weekly calendars running four weeks out, updated weekly, and color coded for Work Target, Work Q, Running, Writing, Cleaning, Laundry, Bills and Banking, Study Time, various Activities for the girls, and yes, even Sleeping. I schedule my sleep.
I know you are thinking OCD. I’m not. Really. Unless you consider that odd habit of having to repeat myself. Unless you consider that odd habit of having to repeat myself. But, I am resolving to do one less thing in this area. I currently have, and will stop making:
1.) A Target shopping list
2.) A Grocery shopping list.
3.) A Barnes and Noble shopping list
4.) A To-Do list, with,
a. Sublists of items or steps necessary to support the list of things to do.
I.) Sub-sublists of things or steps necessary to support the sublist.
But, as you can see, I’m not doing well with this one. Let’s move on.
Attend More Class Reunions
I had a great deal of fun at our mini reunion last fall; so much so that I have decided to make it a new pastime of mine. Yes, I know we will—as a class or school—only get together once a year, but who says I have to stop there. I’ve decided to start trolling Classmates.com for class reunions that are happening anywhere within a 150 mile radius, and start attending every one I can. Why should it matter if I went to school there or know anyone? Think of how easy it would be to show up, slap on a name sticker, and mill around drinking. Why not?
And if anyone comes up to me, as you know they will, and asks, “Do I know you?” I can simply reply:
1.) “I should hope so. We slept together several times.” --My level of liquid courage and comfort with my sexuality at the moment will determine if I use this as a unisex response.
2.) “I was an exchange student. My English are much better now.”
3.) “Not really. I ran with a more attractive, popular crowd.”
4.) “You should. What you did (choose: saved my life/cost me years of therapy)!”
5.) “No, but my sister has been raising your child on her own for years now.”
I’m betting I can write my memoirs of this adventure and they’ll make a movie of it, hopefully starring Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn. Anyone care to be Vince?
Broaden My Musical Horizons
I have never really spent any quality time trying to enjoy polka music, and that is probably one of the biggest travesties of my life. I feel ashamed. I mean, who in their right mind doesn’t get a little excited every time you hear the DJ fire up “The Chicken Dance” at a wedding reception? And Hungarian folk music: when was the last time I ever had that on my iPod playlists? I’ve been living my life too narrowly.
Once a Month, Try the Impossible
I do best when I have a routine, a deadline, and some challenge to look forward to overcoming (see “Lists” above). So, I thought I could combine all three of these pressures into one activity for my own personal growth. I haven’t thought of twelve yet; I am still up for some suggestions. But, here is what I have thought of so far.
1.) Look good in a picture of me dancing.
2.) Get a Republican friend (I know…oxymoron) to attend sensitivity training with me.
3.) Make a speech convincing an entire restaurant of customers to eat their parsley garnish.
4.) Remove the same number of socks from the dryer as I put in.
5.) Get Megan to clean her room.
The list so far works its way up from slightly impossible to needing god-like powers to make happen. Please consider this in your suggestions.
Have Someone to Hate Me
I have finally figured out that I have been doing it all wrong all these years. I learned this from the numerous romantic comedies I have watched in my lifetime. You see, I have been trying to find the perfect mate by being a likable guy, someone who someone else might want. It’s a good theory, but it doesn’t work well in practice.
If you pay attention to the plot that is employed in every romantic movie, comedy or otherwise, then you first have to get them to hate you after they meet you. Try it. See if I am right. Think of any movie that involves romance. It’s Boy-Meets-Girl, Girl-Hates-Boy, Boy-Gets-Girl every time, particularly if it involves Tom Hanks or Matthew McConaughey.
Somebody hate me, please.
Spend Less Time on Facebook
Yeah, right.
And finally: Learn To Accept Things Better
We all probably have things we wish did not bother us, or things we know are our personal pet peeves that might not be entirely justified. How simple life would be, if these monumental or little frustrations would go away, or at the very least were of no concern to us. I am resolving to rid myself of at least a couple this year, and in trying to find something positive in them.
What would be the harm of complimenting Megan for doing a fantastic job keeping the ceiling of her room clean? Or wouldn’t it be just as easy to ignore the urge to correct all that bad grammar, punctuation, and spelling friends use in their texts, e-mails, and Facebook posts? Think of all that time I’ve spent returning edited text messages. I know the reason people don’t text me anymore is because they worry about taking up my time.
And I have to stop mentally punching those rude guests or customers. One of those muscle twitches I experience when I do that might actually produce a spasm that will hurt them. We wouldn’t want that now, would we?
Originally published 1/4/10.
© 2010 Cody Kilgore. All Rights Reserved worldwide under the Berne Convention. May not be copied or distributed without prior written permission.
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